Holiday Classics Updated

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Santa, the elves, and the reindeer have all completed sensitivity training. So when Rudolph is born with a red nose, everyone affirms his difference. Comet, the flying coach, now emphasizes inclusion, so he welcomes female reindeer into the games. In fact, the reindeer have set aside gender binaries so that the reindeer can perform gender any way they like. Santa is an equal opportunity employer, and the reindeer and the elves receive competitive pay, overtime compensation, and appropriate health care benefits (including dental). Hermey is elected by shareholders as director of the North Pole HMO.

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Exodus Movie Wrestles With God

Director Ridley Scott had me at the thundering hooves. I should not have enjoyed the two-and-a-half hours I spent watching Exodus: Gods and Kings—there are so many things wrong with it. But who can resist cast-of-thousands battle scenes, Egyptian palace intrigue swathed in gold lamé, and disaster-movie-style CGI set pieces, one of which involves frogs? Well not me.

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